walking away from ricebag

There are people walking away from me. Ones I found very easy to love and once caught never envisaged not always having them there. Yes, the boys, the men have come and gone. But it’s the women who have broken my heart in ways that don’t ever get kissed better.

I miss you Oa. I miss you Finni. I miss you each dearly.

Wow. Oa. what can I say? Ours was a little divined. But maybe its run its course. I know you. I see you. You're weak but youre strong. You're fearless and you're afraid. You're gifted and powerful and growing and I hope you become everything you want to be. Wish I was going to be in on the ride but maybe this is where our story ends.

And Finni. What happened? It's all in your court. You're choosing a life without any spectators and I always wanted to be there. So it hurts me more than I can say, not just the tears or my chest with the thousand wrecking balls punching it in ... it's my honour too. I deserve more from you. I think I earnt that much. Stealing your life away from me and all of us here ... that's you doing that my love.

TO OA AND FINNI: But I think I loved you more than you liked me. I kow you loved me. But did you like me enough - strangely this matters almost more. Admitting that maybe you don't, well that gutts me to the red heart core. But makes me feel kind of clean too. And less of a beggar. You always felt to rich to me, in beauty, in savvy, in moments ... and I think you felt the same about me too. I thought we had a mutual love affair. But all 3 of us come from families of girls, lots of girls ... and even from that, we sought other girls out to be more like sisters that the ones we knew ... and for me I thought you each of you on your own, I thought you were living and being the ricebag that ricebag wanted inherently to live and to be. And the massive attractions was, I thought, mutual. Of course what I learnt was that our paths were different ... that we each saw something in the other that we liked and honoured more than sometimes even the sweetest part of our selves - and that's why we played together ... because golddust does rub off, just like good intentions. We laughed and cried and told loads of secrets and endured some of the most incredible growing-up pains together, or at the least, watched each other closely as we went through our own unitarian trials and in covering that distance, built up serious mileage on our friendsforever-ometer ... but I guess it just doesn't happen that way. These things, these mirrors and reflectors and affairs and relationships - they need to be maintained. And one thing the 3 of us have in common is we were never very good gardeners. We haven't been tending to each other - not ricebag & Oa and not ricebag & Finni.

Never throught there'd be a goodbye that tasted real and soluble and this one does I guess. I keep saying youre my other halves but its screaming hollow in my ears. Your silence says so much. And I'm not cross that you don’t send me love and I'm not jealous that you find time for somethings that seem more improtant than me and I'm not pissed that we have all this heavy baggage and its your goddam job to weigh through each article with me so that the journey becomes complete … I'm just sad.

But you Fin are walking away from me. Not I from you.

And it took a another forward (attached below) from a very unique boy - my incredibly gorgeous cousin Timbo, to make me sit down and seal the envelope which I kept propped open with my hopping foot in the keen hope you'd come waltzing through again like the tea was still hot on the stove and yesterday hadn't stretched into chasm.

Now I see that maybe, so sadly, but maybe, our story is over. So I am not begging either of you to stay. I never was. I was hoping there was more. That's all. So I am letting you go.

---

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye.

It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...... LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth..... LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ......... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...... LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...... LET IT GO!!!

If you! u have a bad attitude....... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...... LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...... LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .......... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left.. Think about it, and then. LET IT GO!!!

oh my soul

BabySister arrived yesterday. Cannot even believe she is here. Finally. After waiting this past year out in this ungrateful land. Her flight got in at 5am and I was awake all night just waiting ... such a surreal day altogether ... picking her up and then dropping off MyMama a few hours later on a flight out of POM ... making it to church and a wedding ... crashing at the house for lunch and then going to massive 4th birthday party for the baby of our wantok-greg. What a first day back in PNG!

And BabySister did not come empty-handed. Other than hugs and kisses, we're all being spoilt by her generous, huge massive heart and her 2 heavy bags, that flew with her and the Prime Minister from Narita, hold only her underwear and our presents. Lucky lucky lucky riecbag got ipod; got digicam; got beautifully painted ricepaper; candles; lots of things KAWAII!!; make-up from MAC cosmetics; Chanel Allure parfum ... loads of lipgloss and other things PNG dont know but BabySister do.

She is at home today ... washing my car and cleaning the house ... she is CRAZY - she is also unstoppable. I forgot just how goddam independent she is and she definitely does NOT like to take a piece of strongly worded advice (no matter how nicely its phrased) ... she is healthy and happy and loud and quiet and huggy and buggy and my grandma wailed in the Engan-grandma way when she held onto BabySister for going-on 11 minutes ... yeah yeah. And she's smart. And her skin is baby-smooth PERFECT. And she's funny. All day yesterday, through all the rituals of visiting loved ones and churched ones and wantok ones ... hard to escape notice that she captivates people. Ohmegadsters ... is that pride I hear??

ricebag so so proud.

And happy. My partner-in-crime has arrived and I cannot wait to show her off.

another week in the so-so life of ricebag

This week the scintillating drama comes to a stagnant, somewhat aborted pause in-the-life-of-ricebag ... And again we have the 2 recurring themes in ricebags pathetic existence ... her non-existent embarrassing zero love-life and her inability to actually get a bloody driving licence:

• Aaaaaaaaaargh. Me so so so goddam pathetic. Ricebag is SHIT at making the first move. SO SHIT!! She can read ALL the signals but still finds it impossible to navigate. So whats this all about? Yes, yes, a boy. By 'boy' I mean The Boy. He is younger. And he is HOT. HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT. Cannot even begin to tell you how HOT!! And for some stupid reason, I cannot get him out of my head! I try and I try. And I avoid. And it still does not work. And today he called me "mate" ….. I know he likes/lusts me too ….. But I fear a certain incident on Saturday night between ricebag another boy (who is really A Man), has made The Boy's secret like for ricebag drain away ….. And now he called me 'mate'. Me so goddam sad.
• AAAAAAAARGH. Supposed to have my driving test this week but the FUCKING traffic police SHUT SHOP without any explanation!! BabySister arrives on Sunday and I am pretty pissed off I wont be able to collect her all by myself.
• So yeah - BabySister is FINALLY coming after playing my usual game of being the 'prodigal daughter' and we're all just so excited and chuffed and its, for me, going to be such a highlight of this whole goddam year - just having her for a month!!
• Been driving around with MyMama and am about ready to kill her!! JESUS!! I mean … the lady (as much as I love her - especially when she isn't criticising my driving) has been making my driving an absolute MISERY with her constant side-line commentary of almost EVERY thing I do behind the wheel - it did actually end in tears for me last night - and ... all this from a woman who failed her driving test 5 times - FIVE TIMES!! Lord knows I am going to be going so-lo once I get my licence.
• A good ole galpal, Min-Mo, from Sydney Uni, is up in POM for work this week and catching up with her has been surreal. She is just gorgeous and totally animated and interesting and I am not sure you can ask for more from people. So so so looking forward to playing with her tonight!!
• Just about driving again (it IS the focus of my life right now - as it will be the defining factor in relation to my freedom) … I LOVE IT. Cars, motor vehicles … take on a whole new meaning … I am actually mesmirised by the wheels on the car that go round and round, round and round …
• Worked until midnight at work on Wednesday - the latest I have EVER stayed at work in one year of working in PNG - and I was exhausted the next day!! Its so strange to me considering ricebag spent over a year in London pulling 80 hour weeks and working always until midnight on weekdays … and I was like a robot back then .. Getup-work-gohome-sleep-getup-work … correction: I WAS a robot.
• One of my cousins Isha, had her 25th bday during the week - lovely old gal but a big bloody pain in the bum.
• Another one of my cousins, Luca, has been driving IN-COUNTRY a lot lately and caught typhoid from some village he was staying in, so he has been reeeeeeeally sick. Poor Luca - you're my mate and my cuz, and am sending LOTS of good wishes.
• The last few days we have had an IT guy up in the office from Australia … and I gotta tell you - its strange - but I am DEFINITELY sexually attracted to him - and he must be 45! He is tall and pudgy and bald …. Uh oh … lets go back a bit … he is tall and sexy and has a beautiful face and a great voice and he is smiling at ricebag all the time, making excuses to pop into my office … God, I wish ricebag was sophisticated enough to have an office-affair (although I do wish more that he was 15 years younger) - I don't think ANY woman should make it through life without making that huge HUGE no-no.
• So so so. Have pretty, oh, a VERY, busy weekend planned and will let you know if anything of substance materialises out of all the events over the next 2.5 days … esp tonight … TGIF is what I say!!

pimmsy ricebag

Well. There was a little while there when ricebag was in London that Pimms and lemonade, mint and a berry on the cracked cement pavers at the back and side of our little broke-down palace were the sundowners on downy Sundays ... yeah ... what a start to often quite looooooooong nights.

In memory of those, my old boarding school mate kbbaway in Sydney and me in POM had the following email exchange yesterday:

---

From:ricebag
To: kbbaway

tis true. i was i was. i was the pimms maker.
so i miss making. miss making pimms and all sorts of things.
just png i guess.
miss you too.

From: kbbaway
To: ricebag

Farewell dinner at work. In the Australian tradition, we all have to bring a plate from one of the countries that Missy here will be visiting. I picked England, so we will be snacking on cucumber sandwiches and jugs of Pimms and lemonade! But you were always the Pimms maker!

From:ricebag
To: kbbaway

OH ME GAD!!I was just right this SECOND thinking about YOU!!Honey - Pimms is SO civilised - I MISS PIMMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whats the lovely occasion.!

From: kbbaway
To: ricebag

How will I cope?ARGHHHH! I have to make jugs of Pimms this afternoon. How will I cope without you?

mobile mymamma

Now I know most of my mates complain their parents are a little techno-phobic - well take pity on ricebag whose mother has been known to REMOVE microwave ovens from her kitchen.

Perhaps its all in the past ... as today MyMama has been on the mobile for the first time in her life!! Her little light and white Nokia has been her constant companion and it hurts me not to say "I told you so" ... well, its just so good to have her on the other end of a phone - can't tell you how impossible it has been this last year to communicate with her as she has been living in a small town in a massive mountainous province that doesn't have running water let alone mobile phone technology.

SARTORIAL: bono a la nude

Clothing With A Conscience

Fully embracing sustainable style and commerce, Bono of U2 fame, his wife Ali Hewson, and designer Rogan are the creators behind a new fashion line called Edun (visit their latest beautiful collection here). That's "nude" spelled backwards. Its a line that emphasizes organic fabrics and ethical guidelines.

Drawing upon a business model as beautiful as its design aesthetics, the company was founded on what it calls the Four Respects:

1. Respect for the people who make our product.
2. Respect for the place where we make it.
3. Respect for the materials used.
4. Respect for the consumer.

Each pair of jeans is inscribed: “We carry the story of the people who make our clothes around with us.”

Edun’s garments are designed after the capabilities of the factories in Lima, Peru, and Monastir, Tunisia, Lesotho, South Africa, and Tanzania in East Africa. If you go to the Edun website you might notice the company’s logo and the graphics on some of the spring garments were inspired by the Art Nouveau movement, which was in many ways a response to the Industrial Revolution.

For ricebag, I just like the clothes. Slim yet Baggy. Mouldy yet Modern. Cut how I like. Stylistic without being cool-stroppy or a little-bit-slutty or even a little-too-smart. Very Sexy in that Very White-On-White off a blazing rock in a sleepy Goan coast sort-of-way ... or eqyually Paris in the Park. Lurverly really. And definitely Islandbaby Sartorial.

a pacific hysteria

With rising water levels; raping and pillaging of our forests by Malaysian logging companies; raping and pillaging of our mineral, oil and gold resources by massive American mining giants; civilunrest; racially polarised national elections; several pacific nations about to disappear with global warming; genocide of our neighbours ignored by the world ... and other various issues which might want to spark some sort of public debate if not outrage ... instead what we see is this-

vSamoa bans the code: Samoa has banned The Da Vinci Code after church leaders frowned on the film about a fictional Catholic conspiracy.

A Catholic organisation in neighbouring Fiji has called for a similar ban on The Da Vinci Code, which is screening at a cinema in the capital Suva.

"I question the wisdom in approving this movie, given the widespread criticisms it attracted worldwide," Catholic League For Religious and Civil Rights Movement spokesman Kelepi Lesi said.

"The movie undermines the very heart of the Christian belief and the Film Censor Board, in giving the green light for public screening, confirms it's insensitive to our culture," Lesi told the Fiji Sun.

vExcuse me - HOW??!!

But the ridiculousness does not stop there. 2 days ago the Head of HR at my firm sent the email below around. I won't comment - if you can't deduce the inane implications on your own, then I am at a loss of words.

---

Dear all,

Just to make us aware of what Satan is doing.

As the end is near, satan istrying all means to win God's people. Let's stand together as christians andpray againts this movie about to be released.Beloveds let us continue the good fight as loyal soldiers of the Army ofGod, with the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, thebelt of truth, the shield of faith, the sword of the Spirit and our feetfitted with the readiness for gospel of peace and praying in the Spirit onall occassions.

signed by HR lady

****************

The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code staring Tom Hanks, directed by Ron Howard will soon bereleased in the first part of this year (May 19). This movie will have thepotential to deceive billions of the worlds population. The story lineattacks the very heart of the Gospel and attempts to destroy the verynature and character of the Lord Jesus Christ as the Son of God. (Why dothe heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing? The kings of theearth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against theLord, and against His anointed? Psalm 2:1, 2)

Satan knows his time is about up and now he will attempt to take one of hisbest shots by enlisting all of hell to belch out its worse deception inthat of stripping Jesus Christ of His Divine nature and turning him into amere man who secretly marries Mary Magdalene. To add insult to injury thestory depicts the idea that certain shadowy Christian groups for 2,000years have purposely and secretly hidden this so called fact behind thescenes and thus it is finally revealed in a coded message buried inLeonardo Da Vincis painting. Even the movie trailer for this story presentsit as the truth finally revealed about Jesus! (this is just what theIslamic Fascists need to give added credence to their bloody, destructivecampaign of global terror!)

It is time for Christians (the Body of Christ) everywhere to rise up andexpose this lie from the pit of hell that will be perpetuated on the wholeworld in just a couple of short months. This is no time to back down in theday of battle. It is a time to pray and fast like never before that Godwill raise up a standard against the enemy as he comes in like a flood.Satan always overplays his hand and once again he is about to overplay itbig time because as usual he overplays it right into Gods plan to presentthe truth to the whole world. And this Gospel of the kingdom shall bepreached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shallthe end come Matthew 24:14 Oswald Chambers states in his timeless writingMy Utmost For His Highest Our calling is not primarily to be holy men andwomen but to be proclaimers of the Gospel of God. The one all-importantthing is that the Gospel of God should be recognized as the abiding realityYet we have to ask ourselves today when this abiding reality comes underdirect attack who will defend it? The answer can only be that those of uswho have been transformed by its truth for eternity will and must defend ithere and now.

Pray that Christian lay people, prayer leaders, writers, pastors, and allthose in Christian media outlets will get the message out and expose thisdeception of hell and reveal the lie this movie will present before it everhits the theaters.

We can only say about Tom Hanks & Ron Howard Father forgive them for theyknow not what they do but to the enemy of the cross we can only declare tohim, go ahead take your best shot because your time is up and you will soonbe cast into the lake of fire."

E-mail this on to everyone you know (dont delete, give it feet) and letsexpose this lie for what it is because the hour is late and much later than we think.

---

I mean, I am telling you - people in PNG really BELIEVE THIS TOTAL BS!! I remember when 4 years ago there was a campagin in PN to ban Harry Potter books - although I have never read one (and really have no desire to), I defended the right of people to read WHATEVER they want to - whether or not there are supposed satanic messages encoded in the literature.

And the same goes for this film

png: land out of time

Pic from PNG Tourism Website

(a site intended to cater specifically to the Aussie tourist).

Friends

Today I am cutting and pasting from the Sydney Morning Herald blog "Lost In Transit" - because yesterday its author wrote about coming to MY country ... and ricebag has a few friends out there who want to come here too and I am just enocuraging ... thats all folks.

Also I am adding down the bottom my own comment on the blog.

xx

---

Land out of time

It's right on our doorstep, offers unique travel experiences, yet not that many of us seem willing to drop out of the modern world and explore Papua New Guinea.

Bad press has dented the adventurous spirit. The number of Australians taking time out in PNG is a minuscule fraction of those who holiday overseas. Does this country even appear on your radar?

Making the giant leap from stone age to digital age, PNG yesterday launched a

tourism website

under the catchline: "Like every place you've never been".

Based on my own experiences there I'd also suggest "Like nowhere else you've ever been." Where else, for instance, would you share your bus seat with a resplendently-feathered warrior who has a quivering arrow stuck in his thigh? Or find yourself trotting behind bare-arsed tribesmen on your way to an archery contest?

PNG provides experiences every day that are totally out of the ordinary. It's a wild and wacky country. Travel there does demand you quit your comfort zone at times. But the rewards are always memorable. In Rabaul I sank cold beers at sundown while watching Tavurvur volcano spew red hot rocks and plumes of dense smoke. I still get mileage at dinner parties recounting the trip made down river in an odd-looking boat called the

Sepik Spirit

.

PNG certainly suffers a negative image problem, projected largely through media reports revolving around raskals, robberies and rape in the capital Port Moresby. Parts of the city are certainly best avoided, particularly at night, but that applies to any city. Anyone on an organised tour is unlikely to experience trouble, especially once away from urban areas. Keen surfers, scuba divers and fishermen will need no persuasion. They form a significant portion of those who do visit the country. PNG's bid to become the next big thing in tourism hinges on extending its appeal to a far wider Australian audience and, in this, it will be greatly assisted by soft adventure options such as

Adventures in Paradise, expedition-style cruises by the Orion and similar ventures by the Oceanic Princess

.

May 17, 2006 11:14 PM COMMENTS

• Come come come to my country. Come because you want to. Come because you can. Come because if you don't, you'll never know that the worst in life is always smacked down by the brilliant best in life.

  Occassionally I will surf the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree ... see if (now that my travels have stalled) I can offer some advice etc for people about places I've been, things I've seen, stuff I've done. I love going to check questions on travelling in PNG - invariably about how 'dangerous' it is or isn't to come here.

  Wow. Its hard to comprehend the degree of misconceptions out there and in fact the almost paranoid and extremely skewed view people living out of png have about those of use who do live here.

  PNG is no cup of tea. She won't rub your feet and kiss your cares. She will shake you up and pare you down - it's just the incredible rawness and purity of her land that can grab you and never let go. And that's why you come.

  I am from PNG. A young woman. I have travelled solo through the middle east, central Asia (incl Afghanistan), Indian sub-continent, China, South-East Asia, Europe etc etc ... and travelled independent, mostly by foot or hitching etc with a tent, celestial map and waterfilter in tow ... I KNOW hard travel, especially with this hard passport from PNG amd all the glorious anomalies that brings to my travel experience.

  I have ALSO travelled independently in PNG - it IS possible. Everywhere, people will look out for you. The dangers are real, but there is a converse side to this - for all the raskols, there are many more normal people who are just getting on with living their lives.

  This country made up of a thousand language systems dictates that people create intricate communical and public social relationships in order to maintain their smaller familial ones and these relationships extend themselves in a thousand different ways at every level of society and to every visitor to our part of the planet.

  I think the dangers are real ... but as an intrepid traveller myself who has been to other no-go-zones in the world, I've found some universal truths ... one of which is that you must know yourself - if you're one of those people that has the ability to understand your instincts and to trust in people, then other people will trust in you and take care of you. Its not about being brave or stupid or foolhardy - its that taking a trip to PNG is taking as trip into yourself and into mankind. And those trips are not for the fainthearted and are not for the lazy. It takes hard work - hard work keeping an open mind and energy to keep going when in a challenging environment. But the rewards and the ride are experiences you can't replicate in more tourist-friendly destinations ... that's probably because hoofing it 'independently' in PNG requires travellers, not tourists.

  Come if you want to come.

  Posted by: Islandbaby at May 18, 2006 10:41 AM

why dogs stopped flying

This one is for Lulu, Snoopy, Brown-Dog, Biscuit, Zack, Burton, Vicky & Vicky (yes, there are to Vicky's and they BOTH belong to my cousin!!) and the other dogs which seem to come through my life ... woof!

---

WHY DOGS STOPPED FLYING

Before humans, dogs flew everywhere. Their wings of silky fur wrapped hollow bones. Their tails wagged like rudders through wind, their stomachs bare to the sullen earth. Out of sorrow for the first humans-- stumbling, crawling, helpless and cold-- dogs folded their great wings into paws soft enough to walk beside us forever. They still weep for us, pity our small noses, our unfortunate eyes, our dull teeth. They lick our faces clean, keep us warm at night. Sometimes they remember flying and bite our ugly hands.

- Kenneth W. Brewer -

saturday night blues with the bastard-chef

ricebag went out last saturday for the birthday of her goold ole mate, the bastard-chef.

Started off inauspiciously enough with the Piggies (the University Rugby Union team) and a couple of cartons of SP out the back of MrDiamond's new warehouse in an old part of town ... Industrial Gordons. Luka dropped me off to meet with the 3 gals and 30 boys under the aluminuium sheds on the blue plastic playschool stools with some daft light from the massive spotlights on the cornices of the warehouse. The bastard-chef was very glad to see me - most probably because I have been helping to resuscitate a relationship/friendship of his that he had with my beautiful galpal Shelby ... a budding romance that promised big-time-foreva-kind-hubba-hubba-stakes-lovin' ... and he stabbed and gutted the potential when he unceremoniously picked someone else to hold and failed to tell Shelbs. And now he wants her back (of course, because she's brilliant and beautiful). BAD!! Oh Olly-O I said, you are such a bastard-chef ...

And since then Shelby has stopped reeling and isn't mad anymore, just maybe sad, and she's hugging him now in a very platonic way and he's pitching for the for-ever kind of love that could have been his if he hadn't stuffed it up so selfish-royal. Shelby is moving on, my dear friend. And so she should.

It's a little strange ... ricebag has only known Shelby for only a year and the bastard-chef for 15 years ... and we stick with Shelby today because the bastard-chef is a boy and he got it wrong big-time ...

but but but we never say NEVAH ... and

and I digres ...

I was going to say that Saturday Nite out led from a warehouse to the most prestigous hotel in town and a fair few orange-coloured drinks. I want to tell you more but the truth is ricebag is feeling quite conflicted. And just funny inside. Over someone. A boy she knows well. One thats 100% platonic and has been forever - boy-chum material ... but its one of those times when we're both single at the same time ... and ... well, lets say we never say NEVAH.

And we went back for illegal beers at the bastard-chef's crash-pad and he cooked us something yummy and fresh and ... yummy!! And he put his pride on the side and begged Shelby back ... poor bastard. Wearng her down is going to take more than sticky rice and words.

But I love you man. And the best piece of advice I can give you is to forgive yourself and move on. Move On. She is. And you need to too. Absorb the impact of the crash, lick your wounds, recover - and you're going to have to do this alone coz Shelby isn't scratching your tummy through this. And then ... and then - a loooooooong way then ... well ... lets just never say NEVAH.

SARTORIAL: american bonds

Some moons ago I used to post a Sartorial piece on Fridays (just because) ... and in the same vein, I am going to blog-up on some things that ricebag loves and wants to share in the way of clothes.

For today ... it's AMERICAN APPAREL - the BONDS (or superior COTTON ON) equivalent of the states. After Sydney and ricebag overdosing on very nice, very lovely soft, sexy cotton basics ... it's still very much on my mind, and my skin.

American Apparel clothes mostly made of 100% soft stretch cotton, organic cotton, jersey, terry, velour and poplin. And why is American Apparel so good? Coz its just totally spot-on with the basics. Basic t's and singlets and hoods and trackies and undies and bras and the whol bit - very good quality basic clothes that fit and feel fine - who wouldn't pay for that?!

The cool bit is also that geography is no problem (as it is ((% of the time when you live in a far-away never-never land like I do) - American Aparrel operates most of its business over the American Aparrel online store - and the best thing is you can order almost every item in a whole range of colours and patterns - uh oh ... add credit card and hey presto!

Here are some sneak peaks at the great basics available online (these pics are from the women's range but they do mens, kids, babies & swimwear too):

mothers day

Yesetrday was such a great day for our home. First of all I got home at 5am from being 'out' and had 2 hours sleep before getting up and heading off to Church ... for 4 hours of singing and sermon - and its was actually really fun but I was exhausted after a night celebrating my old mate, TheChef's 29th birthday - love you Olly-O (even if you can be a bastard sometimes).

So after a sermon on Hannah the mother of Samuel and all the mothers got cake, I went and picked up MyMama and a surprise cake and we went home and then ALL my aunties came and all the little cousins came and there was table-tennis on the grass and babies under foot. Such a happy day. Some guitar at the back, some NRL footy with the boys watching the box on the verandah, everyone else inside, exchanging Mothers Day gifts ... big show really for my indomitable grandmother, the totally fearless E-Mama who has been down for the last week from Enga and she is totally tough and adorable and the one woman to whom an ENTIRE province defers .... yeah - she commands great respect as the Matriarch of a pretty remarkable family ... and she loves me to bits (naturally)!

So the day ended with sausage sangas and veryvery rich chocolate mud cake and lots of bloated tummies.

Such an incredibly loving and lovely day - and nice to know we made an extra-special effort this year with E-Mama and in fact, all the mamas (from this family) together on Mothers Day - a pretty amazing coincidence and a very happy one.

all in a week ... well since montag anyway

The week so far:

• Driving is about CONTROL. I know that now. Anyone can drive fast, but it takes skill to be able to control your vehicle in any condition and on any road. Ricebag has been whizzing around town with her cousin Luca smoking and buai-ing in the passenger seat beside her as her designated babysitter as she drives L-plated. And it's been really good. Because I am forcing myself to do things I hate, like reversing from park onto busy road and on a hill (!!) amongst others. And he has patience although he keeps telling me to change my gears when I KNOW when to change my gears. All in all tho - thankyou Luca - without you I wouldn't even be thinking of taking my drivers test next week - and I am, ricebag will be taking that test (parallel parking practice on Sunday permitting).
• Someone died on Tuesday. A Ki woman from Terpmund (outside of Wabag, Enga), a supporter of OurHero and popular woman was found dead on the toilet seat at the house of OurGovernor (the Governor of our province) … in the same room where the Governor's wife committed suicide not 3 months ago. Suspicous circumstances - definitely - post-mortem shows broken rib and internal bleeding. So we had haus-cry and then funeral and her body was flown back to Enga yesterday - doesn't seem like there is going to be a further investigation into what might have happened to this woman.
• OurGovernor on trial. OurGovernor (and my cousin) has been suspended from office on several counts of corruption and this week the trial started with the Public Prosecutor … seems like EVERYONE from Engas has flown down for the trial and daily there are hundreds of people at the National Court to observe the trial. Engans know how to do it en masse!!
• Poor Ces-la. Ricebag's cousin Ces-la (who is 6 months pregnant) was admitted to hosiptal with high blood pressure and after a week of isolation is in danger of going bananas … poor baby!! Ces-la I love you and hope you know how much we are thinking of you! Being in isolation means she is not allowed to talk to anyone or hardly see anyone and appearently has been told "not to think too much" - which I am not sure how you can avoid that when youre in a room by yourself all day without ANY other stimulation except for a few 1993 New Ideas and Womens Days. All in all though, she's been in for a week now and they think maybe another week as her BP is going down gradually. We'll see you home soon big C!!
• Poor Dundu. In other family reports of ill health, my little cousin Dundu has pneumonia - poor beautiful boy - we love you baby and sending lots of soup and kisses. He's not the only one … POM has been inundated with RAINRAINRAIN and the result is that there aren't even enough beds for sick kids at out biggest hospital … they're sleeping on the floors and out the doors … babies with pneumonia and malaria (all this out-of-season rainfall rain breeds mosquitos and sux for wee baby immune systems).
• Least Developed Country. In PNG news, the UN has decided to downgrade PNG from "Developing Nation" status to "Least Developed Country" status (I didn't even know that existed!!). Our PM has cracked the shits but really, WHAT DOES THE MAN EXPECT?? Despite good amcro-economic performance, we still have serious issues in health, education and the basically shitty quality of life. Most people in the rural areas would agree with the UN.
• Robbing our oceans of fish for a quick fucking buck. In other PNG news, our Fisheries Minister is doing nothing to create jobs for PNGns in the fisheries sector with his continued signing of access agreements with Japanese fishing companies. The fisheries sector is one which can create thousands of new jobs for our young people whose numbers are rapidly increasing every year. This country needs to boost its industrial development and one sure way of accelerating this is for ministers to think more about creating jobs onshore rather than exporting PNG jobs to other countries. We must insist no less than 80 per cent of all tuna caught in Papua New Guinea waters are processed onshore so that Papua New Guineans are employed. By signing this access agreement with Japan, we are giving away jobs to the Japanese people. But the fisheries minister can only exercise extreme short-sightedness - the 2,250,000 tonnes of mostly skip jack tuna which the 30 Japanese purse seiners will catch in PNG waters will ensure Japanese citizens keep their jobs while our young people remain jobless. The revenue of K10 million is absolute peanuts compared with the revenue that will be injected into the Japanese economy and the jobs that will be created for Japanese citizens. When will ministers flex their political muscle and stand up to pressure from foreign governments for the sake of creating jobs for PNG children.
• Jill Dupleix's fluffy cheese omlet. Ricebag tried and it was yum yum. The "omelet souffle" is a miraculous thing that first cooks in a frypan, then puffs up like magic under the grill. Preheat an overhead grill. Separate the 4 eggs into two bowls. Whisk the yolks with the milk, salt, pepper, chives and 2 tbsp grated parmesan. With an electric beater, beat the egg whites in a separate bowl until soft peaks form. Melt butter in a medium non-stick frypan. Quickly fold the whites into the yolk mixture and pour into the pan. Cook for 1-2 minutes over gentle heat until you can run a spatula around the edges. Scatter remaining cheese on top and place under the grill for 2 minutes or until puffed, lightly browned (watch for burning) and set. Slide onto a warm plate and cut in two. Yum yum.
• Ricebag's soul. In a fit of boredom Ricebag did one of those on-line tests … "WHAT SORT OF SOUL ARE YOU" no less. Interresting!! Apparently Ricebag is a Seeker Soul and a Dreaming Soul:

  You Are a Seeker Soul
  You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul.

  You Are a Dreaming Soul
  Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world. So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time. You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult. You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul.

  Hmmmmmmm … ricebag does tend to get swept away and not just within her own mind ... also by prophet-traveller types.

• Furniture. In other online excursions during my leaa-than-productive moments, ricebag has been scouring the sites for info regarding concrete floor finishes - specifically regarding how to lay it yourself with chemical staining and scoring. Why?? I'd like to lay my own concrete floor ... don't worry ... you'll see ... you'll see.

the love of my life

I don't feel the need to say, but for some reason, I want to say for you who know ricebag, I just want you to know I now know the love of my life, I have accepted into my life the one and only Lord our God and my Saviour, my everything. And I come to Him through His son, Jesus Christ who died for me.

Can you know any greater love than this?

Everything I put in Your hands Lord and I just want to learn more, to follow Jesus' example and truly commit myself to the principles of love and compassion that Jesus taught us.

I have so far to go but with you Anything Is Possible.

gorgeous

My dentist, Dr P, calls me 'gorgeous'. "Listen gorgeous, when are you going to change the world" ... or "gorgeous, when are you going into parliament" ... or "gorgeous, we are going to have to do some surgery on those back molars" ... yes I write to you having just recieved this edict. The truth, the honest awful truth is that my mouth is a mess and I would be embarrassed to show it to anyone else except to my dentist, our family friend and ricebag's some-time mentor ... Dr P.

Dr P has been my dentist for the last 15 years. Other than being a great dentist, a cool thing about Dr P is that he has a tugboat which is being refinished and which he intends to take out to the Niugini islands to treat people in remote coastal regions ... not just a cool guy but a philanthropist as well.

... and as he was drilling and cleaning this morning, he totally calmed me down and took his usual all-part-of-the-day approach to my oral hygiene even though my teeth look awful - beautiful on the outside but not so good on the inside. And he seems to think its all under control so yeah - he rocks - even though he's going to operate on my teeth in a few weeks --- yow.

whatever is unnamed

Glebe 1999 ... walking down some street, some side street, looking for Marianne

"Whatever is unnamed, undepicted in images, whatever is omitted from biography, censored in collections of letters, whatever is misnamed as something else, made difficult-to-come-by, whatever is buried in the memory by the collapse of meaning under an inadequate or lying language -- this will become, not merely unspoken, but unspeakable".

- Adrienne Rich.

I love this quote. because its true. Because it means all the stuff unsaid, unwritten, unshown, is lost to us, lost to a future and maybe even lost to a reality. Because if it wasn't ever said or written or shown or depicted or remembered in some physical form, it simply doesn't have presence any more (and I am NOT talking about memory - which might be more important than a said word or a written word or a camera click or a painting - just what is tangible and will outexist our mental rentention). And that LANGUAGE is complicit in this is undeniable.

Language as a social construct simply means that when we don't have the words for it, we don't have the social understanding for it in this day and age, in this society ... so whatever exists outside society's ability to imagine or understand, is also lost in this way. And scares the shit out of ricebag more than anything. Because society today (Western Society today) presumes we live in some sort of progressionist universe where we're just moving forward all the time in some kind of unstoppable momentum ... and that view is not only totally unrelaistic, its wrong!! We only know the tiniest miniscule of what we and the planet is capable of and its our total and utter ignorance which we bolster and hold onto with the twin-claws of science and logic ... yadda yadda yadda

Yessah ladez and gents - ricebag is itching to go on a rant but time does not permit - lucky you!! (And just so the awful cruel irony doesn't escape you ... what I had to say will go unsaid ...)

womenomics 101

This article lists all the achievments of feminism in the USA (before announcing, of course, that women are tired of it all):

Maternity leave is standard, college admissions favor women, sex-specific help-wanted ads are museum pieces, and pay differentials result primarily from voluntary detours from the career track...

Joshua Holland's essay on the American workplace says it ain't quite so. Starting with maternity leave:

According to Harvard's Project on Global Working Families (PDF), the United States is one of only five countries out of 168 studied that doesn't mandate some form of paid maternal leave. The only other advanced economy among those five was Australia's, where women are guaranteed an entire year of unpaid leave. That puts the U.S. -- the wealthiest nation on the planet -- in the company of Lesotho, Papua New Guinea, and Swaziland...

woo-tang a la sydney

Do you remember when I told you why I love woo?? I do. Miss you woo-tang tang. And love you too.

Woo sent me a little email and I am reproducing it here coz I love her emails which sound like the inside of my head.

---

hey ricebag,

how are you going since returning?

sydney is just the same - i bet you are wanting to know...all fucking go and not enough sleep but too many cigarettes and what the fuck am i going to do with no money but most importantly NO TIME...yeah that is fucking SYDNEY.

...

ma and pa well - pearsy a little on edge and not listening and doesn't know that all her big sister wants is for her to be happy..well she knows but doesn't understand..refuses to believe that big sisters are born with protective and hurting hearts for their best friends..it fucking sucks when you can't do anything at all.

anyway send me some news...was great to have you in bondi!!! lukim yu im home blong yu (a little pidgin come german come english..) love you,

love woo xxx

---

In response woo ...

• I know you coming islandbaby way ... png-way ... your cot on the verandah is ready ... the cordial is on ice ... the mangoes are in the tub ... the paki fags are in my shoe box ... the many many markets are waiting for your hobbling ... lots of bilums for you to steal ... lots of babies to be photographed ... and loads of SP Beerage to be had ... lots of ricebag family to be hugged and friends to be met ... pot-holed roads to be navigated; fiords to be kayaked; mountains to be seen from the back of a ute-with-wings; plantations to be sport fished; festivals, sing-sings, masks, people, dancing, kulcha lady; islands to be fallen in love with and smore smore smore than I can say.
• As for sisters ... I totally 100% am getting you here ... we, you and I, are the eldest of 2 girls, and being the elder, it leaves me completely stupefied why BabySister has managed to navigate her way through life, deliberately (unsconsciously or otherwise) listening to every other persons advice rather than MY own (which was given in love!!) God knows I've done some things, seen some things, broken a few hearts, had mine kicked in and more ... you'd think I'd be the nearest, best shoulder ... but nah ... for some reason, it dudn't heppen thet whey ... who knows ... some sort of inner rebellion - that living down an older sibling thing?? ... or what. I dunno. For ricebag - always a struggle - wanting to be best friend to your babysister who you couldnt love more than anything else ... being getting rebuffed again and again until you start to let go little and little and little ... maybe for good ... maybe for sad. And I think doesn't she know I would eat cut glass for her ... doesn't she know how she can hurt me faster than anyone ... that she has that much power over me ... And then every once in a while there is a perfect moment where she lets that guard down and I get to play BigSister and she lets me know just how much I mean to her and its like its supposed to be ... once in a while.
• In other news POM is swimming along ... Sydney was a break ricebag REEEEEEALLY needed ... But I also realised - I have moved on ... Its like when you’ve been in love with someone and then you cling to the idea/memory of that love for AGES, imagining its still real or a real part of you ... And then you revisit that person in some way and its no longer REAL anymore ... it's just ... it's a part of the past I guess. And that’s how I feel about Sydney. So I am kind of sad but also relieved - didn’t want to be living in PNG feeling like my real life was going on without me in another country!!