dumb ricebag dumb

Working is scary. Ricebag is head down, rushing past the boss's door ... definitely avoiding him at the tea-room, in the hallway, in the lift. Why? because I think my work is so poor I can't even face him. I hope he confronts me soon. Just so I can apologise and beg forgiveness.

I've only been back in the game 3 weeks, so I was expecting to need a little oil, rework the hinges, creak up the motors (ok, ok, no more metaphors) ... but I feel completely dumb. My brain can't actually take anything in, let alone actually understand, investigate and comment in an intelligent manner, and I spend hours going over and over documents and notes on documents and briefs on documents ... and submitting and creating more documents which actually don't record anything of value other than proof that my work is just plain bad.

AAAAAAAAARGH. What is wrong with ricebag?

MissSweet downstairs says it took her at least 6 months to feel like she was waving not drowning. She says I probably have an inferiority complex being the New Girl plus she knows I am extremely hard on myself and that won't help. Whatever the case, I am praying the cloud of dumb lifts long enough so I can see clear enough to make my way.