the big call-out
Well. Today was a big day for ricebag. What with liking woes and engagements and general deep-thinking on career ... at the end of the day I get a phone call from my cousin Muzz ... the last person in the world I would ever expect to call me right now.
Muzz's dad is MyMama's brother, my Uncle D. Muzz's dad is my primary father-figure ... after my own beautiful father died so long ago. Together Uncle D and MyMama made the futures of all 6 of us kids (me, BabySister and our 4 cousins) ... gave us every opportunity ... made our growing-up a little bit incredible, a little bit farming fun free. We were so goddam lucky and loved and we were spoilt no end (I do not exaggerate) and nothing was ever demanded of us in return except our very very best. And we gave back love and heartache in spades.
Uncle D had a stroke a year ago. And he is doing ok, is ok, is just ok. A little bit ok. But not so great. Not so fantastic. Not even so ok. Just barely ok. It's breaking my heart.
So Muzz rang today. And she said "Come Home" to Lae. This was the big call-out. All us kids have to rally and save the businesses that Uncle D and MyMama pioneered, their hard work and sweat which educated us and fed us and let us be a little bit free and innocent and naive when we were younger.
Muzz and siblings know I am not a business-woman. I don't have that street savvy or the inclination/desire to make money/profit. Born a bit of an idealist and definitely a dreamer and a minimalist ... ricebag is actually trying to head somewhere, to build a foundation and get the tools to manage & create a specific career ... one that isn't driven by the profit motive. And taking "time-out" at this stage isnt really an option.
That is what the right side, the conservative side of my brain says.
But then my left, my liberal, my instinctive side, the one connected straight to my heart - that side says Go Home to Lae ... Be Daughter ... Do Family ... put something back into the ones and the work that put me where I am. It is SO tempting. Mostly because I Want To. Mostly because it's not duty pulling me to Lae but desire. A need and a want to build us up again, to hold our family shit together and keep our ship afloat.
Lord, why was I born a Libran - I can never NEVER make a decision without weighing up absolutely every particle of information, every possible reason, every positive and negative until I start losing the whole point.
As with everything else, I am going to start doing some serious thinking.
posted by highlander islander @ 20:34
8 Comments:
I feel for you. It's a toughie to resist those "shoulds" in your life.
Interestingly, another Libran has been talking about decision-making and the problems she has with it on another blog I visit: http://plodplodplod.blogspot.com/
(see her posts on Wed Sep 7 and Fri Sept 9). You may (or may not!) find the thoughts there interesting.
I don't know the appropriate thing to say about your decisions - good luck doesn't seem right. Luck probably won't have anything to do with it. Toss a coin is too frivalous. Best wishes sounds banal. I guess I just hope it feels right for you when you make your choices.
Hey Ricebag, you have to move to Lae! I being a long time Moresby girl taking the plunge to move there and set up family, yu must, yu must, yu must come too. I need an old buddy like you around to keep me sane while I'm there....
Think about it.
J - Thankyou for your thoughtful comment. I am really just going to wait until I go up in a few weeks and speak to the old man and hear his thoughts - I know him and he is going to tell me not to be such a drama queen and get back to POM and doing whatever it is I was 'meant' to do. But I will have to see what is going on with the businesses and the fam and suss it out myself - I know he'd HATE to think he was chaining me somewhere.
L - is that you?? I think that would be great for us to play!! I definitely won't be able to live "at home" but there is one of the houses in Chinatown with my name on it. See?? I've already started planning ...
Ok so is L - Ms Bomana or is L from Lae?
Hey RiceBag
Just checking up on you from Dublin - didn't know D was not his usual self.
Regardless of what has gone, family is everything and regret is a bitch.
If you do head North, say Hi for me if the opportunity arises.
My summer paternity break has ended and I'm back to work next week! Have you checked in on our little man recently - he's growing so fast...
Dublin again...
Just re-read your post .... I was talking more of a support visit, not a move and career shift! I'm sure you can exploit your bottomless talent pit to generate a creative solution - without losing your own dreams.
interested reader - i think this is L from Lae ... a little lollo who knew me back when i thought 'shut-up' was a bad word.
dear dublin - yeah. all dramas in this family ... as you may well remember. PS i was wondering if youd read what i wrote on muzz.
PS dublin ... can you email me the folder with the growing boy ... have a little collection of his beautiful face but nothing recent ... is he walking yet??
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