a love letter from my sister : the dilettante, the life lover, the future fighter ... babysister said ...

In my absence ... my BabySister, ricebag's only sister, the very real, our most-adored, my most-missed ... has also been absent ... our living doll in Tokyoyoyo ...

Recently BabySister posted this to me on the blog:

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shinjuku's neon lights twinkle in anticipation
muji is waiting idley for you the shopper who understands the true symbolism of no brands
udon beckons in steamy wafts
but most of all:
BabySister is calling you like a long lost prayer

dont be pissed off with me
the one who loves you most, yet knows you least, who longs for you the deepest, but suffers from verbal diarrhea & continuous bouts of unpoetic self-expression, for am i not the one whom God sent to protect you - you, the fighting female warrior, the joy bringer, the kiss craver, the defender of all my childhood fears

and so the years have passed and what did i have of you when you went wondering in the desert and trampling through mangroves to end up passing out on distant mountains in a strange mans land? i had periodic emails and 8 hour candles to burn through the night as i prayed 'dear God, her soul do keep...

me, the insenstitive soul who drifts between her 58.2sq, meter flat and to a dead-end-job surrounded by pathetic sallerymen and on the odd occasion where her beautiful and so evidently wonderful yet unfortunately single flatmate MrGuy takes her dancing or more often than not drinks through the night with her- so that she can release her soul and let go of the ache.

how could you possibley be pissed off with me? as i am consumed by jelousy of the multitudes who must know your different faces better than I? as i live vicariously through the words of strangers who have travelled, shared, felt liberated, loved, lost, gained and cried with you? to step into their shoes...i read their replies and think...how wonderful that they know so well the my better half ... the half that i am loving for so long and from so far away.

i listen to tracey chapman's 'the promise' and imagine you listening as i sing to you (karaoke is far from overated). but you know above all others that are here - its just that here i am free to do as i like, go where i please unmolested and unmollycoddled. here i can be.

and i love you, i love you i love you. i love you for the Ricebag i never knew, the big sister that read to me and rocked me as i slept, i loved the young girl that was sent away as a babe and returned as a woman. and i love the woman now who strives, wants more, and settles for less than the best. you will not find love, but love will seek you out and adore and worship you for the woman that you are and the person that you so painfully need to be. you are yet to be loved in the way you deserve and you will be - by one who understands that passion, dedication and the relinquishing of ones soul should only be done for one as one as deserving as YOU.

i carry you with every breath i take and every essence of my soul, i live to learn from you and take the love from you that is mine.

BabySister.

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So can you imagine how much I love this baby. yeah yeah. Its history. And blood. And all the reasons it should ... and some of the ones it hardly ever it is. This girl rocks. She is my living example and she should know by now I am so much in awe of her. Our family's treasure. Our family's pride. Does she even know how much she means to us.

All I am asking BabySister, is that you come home. Soon. Everybody wants you. We all need you. Just need to see your face and bask in that smile and remember how good it feels to get a hug from the one who loves more than she keeps.