fagless

Just saying so yesterday I had dinner out and with friends and would have been so ricebag to strike up my skinny fags upon completion of meal and downment of gin. But there were no cigarettes/cigarillos/tobacco or rolling papers to be seen.

First day of Lent and I had my first test. And I passed. Very nice to go home without nicotine hands and ciggy-breath.

Although I did miss that satisfactory first puff and deep inhale and slow exhale, not much else I miss ... but it was a pain in the ass to be constantly thinking about it. That's for sure. The only good thing about constantly thinking about it, was thinking about WHY I am not smoking - Lent. This abstinence thing makes a body mindful. Amen to that.

The good thing is my smoking has been waxing and waning over the past 8 years and has travelled in degrees from periods of fagging pretty much whenever I felt like it (rare and short periods) to only social occasions (most of the time) to hardly ever (long periods) to never (short periods).

In truth, ricebag is a social smoker, and that has made me a highly conditioned creature so all I need is a drink in one hand and, as I don't generally drink when I am alone, a social environment and puff goes the ricebag. So it's psychological conditioning and that has GOT to be easier to break than nicotine. It's just a little difficult coz ricebag is very social.

But I do thank God that I am not addicted to nicotine in the way I have seen some of my friends ... the shakes and the headaches and the very real and sheer physical impossibility of 'giving up'. And I really want to not be either a social smoker for life or one that becomes a real-live need nicotine on-a-regular-basis-smoker.

So maybe will revert back to a "hardly ever" smoker. Just occasionally. At the end of an excellent meal. With a great glass of wine. And after sex. Just a little luxury. Once in a while.

So will keep on keeping on with the abstinence on that one.

Peace out.